just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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