Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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