Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
