god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
