that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
