Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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