Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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