So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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