he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
