Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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