I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
