No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
