my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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