i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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