i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
