if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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