Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
