i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
