He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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