dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
