I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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