He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
