I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
