toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
