I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
did i just pee glitter
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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