can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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