from now on my penis is your penis
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
