Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
