I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
