I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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