Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
