And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
