where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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