Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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