Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
