he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
