I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
