I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.