can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.