I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
