dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
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that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!