I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century