I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.