Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.