Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
