It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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