I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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