Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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