They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
