He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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