I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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