the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
