bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
