Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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