and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
