I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
