Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
