Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize