I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
