I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
