So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
