So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
