For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
