when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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