your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
