You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There are leaves in my underwear?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
