she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
