and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
