i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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