Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
