Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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