Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
