i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
